Divorce, Communicating your Decision

Check out this eye opening report before making your final decision to seek a divorce

Even if your marriage has become one big argument and you can no longer stand being in each others company the word ‘divorce’ could come as a major shock to your spouse.  Just because you have come to a major decision and decided to file for divorce it doesn’t mean that your partner has come to the same conclusion of even considered it.

So your marriage is about to end, you have decided that divorce is the best way to go. Communicating this decision could be the start of a very long emotional rollercoaster. Your decision is just the start of the divorce process there is still a long way to go before you reach the end.

For a start, your mindset could be a whole lot closer to the end than your partners. You might have been thinking about divorce for a long time but your communication could mean just the beginning for them. DIVORCE might be a small word but divorce is not an insignificant event.

The way you inform your spouse of your decision could make all the difference to the ensuing chain of events. One of the better ways of doing it is perhaps to try to get your partner to come to the same conclusion before you admit that you have actually made your final decision to go ahead with divorce. Marriage is, or should be, the consensual union of two people and therefore some would say that divorce should be the consensual end to that union. 

It would be naïve to think that every divorce can or will be consensual. By the time one of you has reached the decision to go for divorce there is obviously something very wrong with the marriage. If you truly believe that given a bit of time your partner won’t come to the same conclusion then you need to consider the best way to get your message across.

A few pointers:
• Your communication needs to be clear your partner needs to understand exactly what you are suggesting.
• Give your partner time to understand and come to terms with what you are saying, don’t forget that you could be many steps ahead of where they are in the ‘divorce’ thought process.
• Be prepared for them to be totally shocked at the thought of divorce.
• Your spouse could become extremely distressed which might make clear communication difficult.
• Be prepared to come back to the conversation later once your partner has had time to come to terms with the concept of divorce.
• Be prepared to discuss and help your spouse understand the reasons for your decision. You cannot expect your partner to accept something they don’t understand.
• Don’t expect to be able to deliver your message and sort out the practical arrangements in the same day.