Baby Fix, the ‘Save a Marriage’ Myth

Many people believe that having a baby is a first class ticket to save a marriage, a quick fix to often unrelated marital problems. It is often thought that the miracle of a new life will bring a renewed bond to a relationship, distract the partners from what is causing their unrest and ultimately save the marriage.

The belief that babies can fix marriage problems and that having a baby is an ideal way to help save a marriage is definitely a myth. Marriage certainly isn’t easy when there are just two people in the relationship to consider, a third can just add fuel to the fire.

A new baby in your life is never easy, even when born into the most loving and fulfilled marriage. Babies are demanding, sap all there parent’s energy in the early months and can play havoc with a marriage. I’m not saying that a baby can’t bring partners closer together but in an already strained marriage where marital relations have already broken down for reasons other than the lack of a child, a new baby is unlikely to fix the problem nor save a marriage.

Even if a marital rift has been created because one partner wants a baby and the other doesn’t having a baby regardless can just cause resentment and further disharmony in a marriage. If the partner who wanted to remain childless doesn’t fall immediately in love with the new little bundle of life then, rather than save a marriage, your marriage problems will increase ten fold.

A newborn baby can make the father feel isolated, unloved, left out and unwanted. A mother can feel totally overwhelmed and trapped into a life of never ending feeding, crying and nappies cut off from the outside world. If either one didn’t actually want the child then going ahead regardless won’t help save a marriage, those initial feelings are likely to increase tenfold totally destroying the foundations of the marriage and creating issues that drive the partners much further apart rather than helping to save the marriage.

Don’t just think a baby can fix all, it’s unfair to the marriage and unfair to the child. Children should never be ‘used’ in a marriage, relationship problems are an adult issue from which children should be protected, where possible, and kept well away. Children do not save marriages, it is the actions of their parents that can resolve marriage issues. Couples have to just learn to open up communication lines and tackle the root cause, making an effort in a relationship is what saves a marriage and not looking for a temporary distraction.

I leave you with a few little nuggets of wisdom to consider:

1. If you are struggling to save your marriage through your inability to conceive did you really love your partner in the first place? A strong marriage should be able to survive anything, your partner should mean everything to you with baby or not. At the end of the day there are many unwanted children in this world that are in desperate need of loving parents. Does blood line really mean that much and your marriage so little?
2. Don’t get married until you are both aware of and respect each others desires and needs with regard to children. Never assume that once you are married you can get your partner to come around to your way of thinking. Don’t wait until things go wrong save the marriage before it even starts by going into the marriage with your eyes open!

Having a baby never has been and never will be a quick fix to save a marriage.

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