Boredom is a Killer,

One of Many Common Marriage Problems

One of the common marriage problems, which often materialises early on in a relationship, is boredom. Couples often find that after the honeymoon period is behind them and they have settled in to married life it isn’t quite the constant bed of roses that they imagined it to be.

Historically when we heard of a divorce it was ‘the seven year itch’ but relationships are more likely to break down after two years than they are after seven! 

Sometimes what you perceive to be the perfect marriage breaks down purely through boredom, the sheer monotony of no surprises, no challenge and no change. We often get into the habit of focusing on day to day needs such as earning money to pay the mortagage andforget what life should be all about.

Boring marriages are often those whereby one partner if totally oblivious to the other. Has no concept that there is anything wrong in the marriage or that their spouse isn’t happy with the rub along, no conflict, no excitement way of life.

Boredom is one of those common marriage problems that can be driven from the lull after the excitement of the chase. I know of several people that just love the chase and once they are in a steady relationship the interest has gone and they are ready to move on. It takes a very special person to make a relationship last.

Marital boredom often develops from the habit of not being prepared to devote any time to the relationship but instead to concentrate on the more mundane aspects of life such as work or chores or from devoting a disproportionate amount of time to friends, children or family in the belief that your relationship is fine and doesn’t require any effort.

Relationships have to be worked at, the ring on the finger doesn’t just mean give up and stop caring. If you don’t out anything in then you won’t get anything out.

When you got married you found your partner interesting and exciting. You are still the same people but if you find that marriage isn’t what you thought it would be, it probably means that you have just lost the incentive to make an effort or are failing to make time for each other because you feel you no longer need to. 

When you are bored life seems to weigh down on your shoulders, everything seems and effort. Five minutes seems a very long time and a day like an eternity. Boredom can lead to depression and the feeling that something is very wrong. Boredom is a very real and common marriage problem that if left unresolved can destroy a marriage.

Like many common marriage problems the answer to boredom isn’t always easy but the problem can be resolved. As a starting point you need to consciously make time for each other. Make an effort, plan evenings out, think about what you used to do before you got married and even if it isn’t possible to do everything you used to do consider what was most exciting and re-introduce those elements back into your life.

It’s impossible for me to sit here and tell you what you need to do to reignite the flame because our likes and preferences are just not the same. You need to take time to think about what would make your life and your relationship special again, you need to treat each day as special and re-introduce passion into your life. The odd touch, the odd caress, the teasing glances and the secret hugs. Enjoy the odd night out, make an effort, plan it like you used to, prepare a candle lit dinner or just switch that TV off and have half an hour to just muse over the day.

Don’t destroy your relationship over one of the common marriage problems that can so easily be resolved. If you got divorced you would have to start all over and you would have to make the effort so why not do it now and save your marriage.